


Bromo No Homo

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Bromo, Comedy, Humor, M/M, crack fic kinda, totally not gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:09:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: It's not homo!It's bromo!





	1. Chapter 1

“Bro?” Kurt asked quietly, turning around in his sleeping bag to face Ram, the orange fabric of the tent casting a softly colored tint on the teen’s face.

“Yeah, bro?” Ram answered sleepily, squinting in the dark to try and catch a glimpse of the other boy.

“Will you still be my bro if I said I wanted to be more than bros? Or…would you be my more-than-bro with me?” He questioned near silently, avoiding any chance of eye contact in the darkness.

Ram reached over and squeezed Kurt’s hand reassuringly. “No homo?”

“No homo. Just bromo. Not bros… _bromo_.”

“Yes bromo.”

“No homo yes bromo?” Kurt asked in disbelief, eyes widening.

“All the bromo. None of the homo.”


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s not gay!” Kurt said defensively, pulling Ram close.

“Yeah, its all bromo, no homo!” Ram agreed, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s cheek.

“It’s two guys in a relationship. That’s gay.” Jason Dean stated, crossing his arms.

“Quick! Make it not that!” Kurt exclaimed, picking up JD and tossing him over his shoulder. “Three guys is technically not gay!”

“NOT GAY! NOT GAY! NOT GAY!” Ram chanted, high fiving Kurt before running off with them into the sunset.


	3. Chapter 3

“So…” JD said after a moment of mostly uncomfortable silence. “Are you gonna let me down?”

Kurt and Ram exchanged worried looks, a silent conversation going on between them made up entirely of gazes. Eventually, Jason Dean noticed what was going on and waved his hand in front of Kurt’s eyes to interrupt it. 

“Yo, Kurt Kelly, meathead, homo-”

“MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT A HOMOSEXUAL!” Ram objected, cutting JD off furiously. “JUST BECAUSE WE ARE BOTH MEN AND WE ARE DATING DOES NOT MAKE IT GAY!”

“Buddy, do I have some news for you…” JD teased, grinning at Ram from his place bent over Kurt’s letter man jacket-clad shoulder.

“It’s not gay,” Kurt pointed out, his tone of voice implying that what he was saying was one of the most incredibly obvious thing in the world. “Because there’s three of us!”

JD stared at Kurt for a moment in annoyed disbelief. He took a long sigh, shaking his head and closing his eyes. 

“I’m not your boyfriend…” He muttered, and he would have crossed his arms had he not been in such a position as he was.

“Oh! He’s right, babe!” Ra exclaimed, eyes widening. “My bromo-no-homo, we haven’t asked him! That’s so un-gentleman-like!”

“My darling-dearest-but-not-in-a-gay-way, you’re right!” Kurt gasped, hurriedly setting JD on his feet and kneeling in front of him, holding one of his hands gently. “Jason Dean, will you be our boyfriend, making it totally not gay, even though it isn’t gay already, but with you it’d be  _double not gay?”_

“I….” Jason sighed, rubbing his temple and closing his eyes as if he were dealing with a rather intense headache. “Double not gay? It’s already gay, you idiots.”

“Well, okay, yeah, maybe a little,” Ram admitted sheepishly. “But that’s why we need you! Because two guys in a relationship is gay, but three isn’t! Plus, you’re really cute, and that trench coat makes your butt look good.”

“Ram!” Kurt exclaimed, eyes wide and staring and the man in question. “You’ve gotta say the thing if you say stuff like that!”

“Oh, sorry, my bad,” Ram mumbled, biting his lip. “No homo.”

“Thank you, Ram,” Kurt said, turning his gaze back to JD. “So…will you?”

JD stared at the teenager on one knee in front of him, hope filling his eyes, and the other teen, who was nervously staring at him, ruffling his hair. He sighed, smiling softly and squeezed Kurt’s hand before answering.

“No homo. Yes bromo.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Chan, bro-”

“Not your bro, gay boy,” Heather cut him off, scowling at him.

“Not gay! Anyways, Chan, it’s not gay! My relationship with JD and Ram isn’t gay AT ALL!” Kurt exclaimed, placing his hands on his hips defiantly and smirking in what he thought to be victory.

“You’re a boy. Dating other boys,” Heather pointed out, raising an eyebrow at him. “Sounds pretty gay to me.”

“It’s not gay!” Kurt objected, pouting at the girl in front of him.

“Really?” Heather asked sarcastically. “Give me one good reason why it doesn’t make you a homosexual.”

“That’s easy, Chan,” Kurt replied, lifting his chin in pride. “We said no homo!”


End file.
